She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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