You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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