but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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