I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
God I need to hump something, right now.
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