4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
