I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
