I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
