I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
