Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
