he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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