You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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