I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
