Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
