I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
