Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
