found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
