Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Randomize
