She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
