Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
