you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
