He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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