Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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