so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I can't put those talents on a resume
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
