i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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