i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
