Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
