I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
