I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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