I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
A bitchslap is in order.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
