i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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