dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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