Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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