I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
