we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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