one two three fourrrrnication!
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
