If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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