Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
