how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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