Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize