And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
