Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
