My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
