don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
