is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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