Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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