btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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