I am in a vortex of obligation.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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