So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize