No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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