I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Are we still banned from the library?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
