Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
