did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
