Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
