sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
