Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
