i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
