I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
