i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Randomize
