How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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