tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
