So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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