no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
