honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
