her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
