omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
