i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
