Do you still have your period?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
