His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
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