Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
seriously i just wanna be friends
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His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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