What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
what day is it and did you see me today?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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