I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
