I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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