Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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