I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
