I want to walk on stilts...naked
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I didn't notice because vodka
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
