You can't motorboat a personality
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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