I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
