accomplished twins. life is a go
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
