The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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