I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
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