just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
