I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
