ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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