guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
