There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
