I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
