I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
