he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
