so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
