I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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