Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
