Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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