Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
