My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
