Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize