Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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