I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
